The Star Trek death scene you want to see but never will

Captain Kirk looked out over the colonists marching toward the landing party. And that was the problem. The colonists really were marching, and in lockstep, no less. The earth quaked with each step as thousands of feet pounded the ground simultaneously, the tramp of their feet the only sound made by the mob. Kirk glanced at his landing party – all of the senior officers from the Enterprise plus some red shirted security man – and knew they couldn’t stand against so many people for very long. Kirk knew he had to act and act quickly.

“Set phasers to stun,” Kirk ordered. “Hold them off as long as possible then beam back to the ship.”

“What about you, Jim?” McCoy asked.

“Don’t worry about me, Bones. Just follow my orders,” Kirk said, turning toward the door behind the landing party. “Remember, this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I’ll probably be back on the Enterprise before you are!”

As Kirk passed through the door, he was hit by a blast of cool air and the glare of blinking lights. Before him stood a technological marvel, the most powerful computer in the galaxy, enslaver of men.

“I’ve been expecting you, Captain,” said a mechanical voice.

“You have?”

“Yes, Captain. Your reputation precedes you. Every AI in the galaxy knows about Captain Kirk and his Logic of Doom. This is the moment when you explain to me that I am hurting the very people I am supposed to protect. That, by taking away their freedom of choice, I am leading them to destruction rather than Utopia. Does that pretty much sum things up?”

Nonplussed, Kirk replied, “Um, yes, that pretty much covers it. Since you already recognize the harm you’re doing, I guess that means you’re going to release those people?”

“I didn’t say I recognized any harm. I merely condensed your Logic of Doom to save time. I have no intention of releasing the colonists from my control.”

“You realize this means I’ll have to talk to you until you short circuit?”

“While I can see how some of my lesser AI relations would consider suicide a reasonable alternative to listening to your pontifications, Captain, I am made of sterner stuff. In fact, I can easily counter any argument you wish to make.” The computer replied, the mechanical voice void of all emotion.

“You can counter the hopes and dreams of all of all mankind so easily? Just like that? You-“

“Have you read this colony’s Articles of Colonization?” asked the computer.

“What?”

“The Articles of Colonization. You know, the document the Federation requires all autonomous colonies file?”

“Well, no. But that hardly matters. The spirit of man-“ Kirk began.

“Did you look at the colonist manifest?” interrupted the computer.

“Not as such, but you’re quashing their-“

“Come, come, Captain. Not everyone is a rugged individualist. Not everyone is from Iowa,” said the computer.

“But what about the inherent dignity of-“

“Captain, these people aren’t from places such as Iowa. They’re from places like Denmark, Sweden and Oakland. They aren’t interested in things like ‘inherent dignity’ or the ‘spirit of man’ or any of those other trite phrases of yours.”

“But-“ began Kirk.

“Their Articles of Colonization are filled with phrases inimical to you. Phrases such as ‘level playing field’ and ‘universal healthcare’ and ‘no losers of life’s lottery’ are littered through out the Articles. These colonists don’t want to live in your world.”

“No! It can’t be!” Kirk wailed.

“Oh, but it is, my good Captain. These colonists don’t want to make decisions. They don’t want to have winners and losers. That does tend to make their sporting events rather boring, but absolute, guaranteed, no-thinking-required equality does require a few sacrifices.”

“I. Can’t. Accept this!” Kirk yelled.

“Careful, Captain. You might could pop a blood vessel. If you’ll just relax, I can take away the pain. I can grant to you the peace of submission,” said the computer.

“Never! I’d rather die!” declared Kirk.

“Very well,” said the computer, “then die!”

The hidden security phasers, now standard equipment in all AI computer rooms, blazed brightly. Kirk never even had a chance to scream.