Bruce Wayne vs. Lex Luthor

This is an entry for the esteemed Bruce Bethke's Friday Challenge writing contest. I hope your all enjoy it.

Page 1

Panel 1

Bruce Wayne, well dressed in a dark suit and tie, walks through a crowded room. On his arm is a beautiful, raven haired woman named Julie. She is wearing a shape hugging evening dress with a plunging neckline. They carry drinks, as do many in the crowd. Service personnel carrying trays of drinks or hors devours dot the crowd. In the distance, a bald man wearing a similar suit with a similar looking woman can be seen. This is Lex Luthor. The woman is named Callan.

Bruce: There’s someone I want you to meet.

Julie: You mean Lex Luthor? How do you know him?

Bruce: I met him when we both sponsored a PGA charity golf tournament.

Julie: PGA? Is that the Psychopathic Golfer’s Association?

Bruce: Ha ha. Be nice.

Panel 2

Lex spies Bruce and the two men steer toward each other.

Lex: Bruce! So you got roped into this dreary affair, as well? Why don’t we just write the charity checks for a million dollars and then hit the links?

Bruce: You’re on, Lex! But first I wanted to introduce someone to you.

Panel 3

The two women smile, almost smirk. Bruce and Lex look surprised.

Julie: Hello, Lex. I see you’ve gotten over me.

Callan: I see the same applies to you, Bruce.

Callan: Hi, I’m Callan.

Julie: I’m Julie. So, you know Bruce?

Callan: Intimately. And you and Lex?

Julie: The same.

Panel 4

Julie and Callan have turned and are starting to walk away from the still stunned Bruce and Lex.

Callan: My new BFF Julie and I have some catching up to do. We’re off to powder our noses.

Julie: Talk about anything you want, boys. Anything except us!

Bruce and Lex (thought – have them share the same thought bubble): This looks like trouble!

Panel 5

Bruce and Lex both look as if they want to bolt from the other’s company.

Bruce: I’ve got to…

Lex: …call into my office.

Bruce: Okay.

Lex: Right. Bye.

Page 2

Split this page in half down the middle. On the left side, in the odd numbered panels, we’ll see what Bruce is doing. On the right side, in the even numbered panels, we’ll see what Lex is doing. This will give the readers a sense that the actions are occurring at the same time.

Panel 1

Bruce hurries out of the party, into a hallway.

Panel 2

Lex brings his left wrist to his mouth.

Lex: Code ruby red. I say again, code ruby red.

Panel 3

Bruce enters an unmarked doorway out in the hallway.

Panel 4

A minion delivers a small case to Lex.

Panel 5

Outside of the building, Batman emerges from a darkened window. The window is 30 floors up from the ground. The outside of the building is ornately decorated, making it easy for Batman to move around. This is Gotham city, so include gargoyles.

Panel 6

Lex slips into a door marked “Men”. Next to that door is one marked “Women”.

Panel 7

Perched on a gargoyle next to a frosted window, Batman has what amounts to a fancy stethoscope pressed to the window.

Panel 8

In a stall, Lex has closed the toilet (let’s go easy on him and let this public restroom have covers as well as seats). The small case is open next to Lex. In it are several small tools and technical devices, including a small drill with an extremely long drill bit. At Lex’s feet is a small pile of ceramic dust from the hole he drilled in the wall. Lex is feeding a small fiber optic cable through the hole.

Page 3

Panel 1

Julie and Callan are standing at the mirrors, primping. The frosted window can be seen in the background. Batman’s shadow can be seen against the window. Peaking up over a stall, we can also see a small spider like robot with the fiber optic cable.

Callan: Did Lex do the whole “Lois Lane” fantasy bit with you?

Julie: Oh my God! He’s still into that?

Panel 2

In the toilet stall, Lex winces.

Panel 3

Julie and Callan are still before the mirrors but have stopped primping and are looking at each other. Otherwise, this is the same as panel 1.

Callan: Did he have you dress in something slinky?

Julie: And cower on the bed in mock terror as a captive of Lex Luthor?

Callan: And then some employee or minion or whatever he calls them, breaks into the room wearing a Superman costume?

Panel 4

Split this panel diagonally. In one half, Lex is so mortified that he nearly falls off the toilet seat. In the other half, Batman is laughing so hard he nearly falls off the gargoyle.

Panel 5

Same as Panel 3, except now the women are obviously giggling.

Julie: Uh huh! Then Lex pretends to beat up Superman, all the while proclaiming the Man of Steel is no match for Lex and his Rod of Steel?

Callan: And then you have to do the whole Madeline Kahn scene from Young Frankenstein?

Julie: No, Lex! No! No… Oh! Oh, Lex! Yes! Yes!

Page 4

Panel 1

Outside the window, Batman is still laughing.

Batgirl (from off panel): What’s so funny, Bruce?

Panel 2

Batgirl swings up next to Batman on the gargoyle. Batman is still laughing and holding out the ear phones for the listening device.

Batman: Met up with Lex Luthor at this charity ball and it turns out my girl is one of his ex-girls.

Batgirl: So?

Batman: His ex and his current are in there comparing notes. I haven’t heard anything this funny in… No, I’ve never heard anything this funny!

Panel 3

Switch back to the restroom. Julie and Callan are now leaning against the counter with their backs to the mirror. Both are laughing.

Callan: What about Bruce? Is he still calling his the Batpole?

Julie: Oh yeah! And he’s always telling you to slide down the Batpole?

Sound FX: Giggle

Sound FX: Snicker

Panel 4

Back outside the window, now Batgirl is laughing. Batman now looks stunned and is reaching for the ear phones.

Batgirl: Ha! The Batpole? Jesus, Bruce, that’s just sick!

Batman: The wha- Um, Batgirl, that’s enough eavesdropping. This is a private conversation between private, law abiding citizens. You shouldn’t be listening!

Batgirl: Right, like I’m going to stop listening after that?

Panel 5:

Same as Panel 3

Callan: Does Bruce still have the costume?

Julie: You mean the crotchless Batgirl costume?

Callan: That’s the one!

Panel 6

It’s now Lex’s turn to laugh. He’s laughing so hard he nearly falls off the toilet again.

Page 5

Panel 1

An outraged Batgirl is staring daggers at a suddenly defensive Batman.

Batgirl: Crotchless Batgirl costume?

Batman: Now, I can explain, Barbara! You see-

Batgirl: You have a crotchless Batgirl costume!

Panel 2

Back in the restroom, Callan and Julie and laughing and having a great time.

Callan: Has he ever made you go outside and pretend to break into the house?

Julie: Break in? No, not yet. What’s the deal?

Callan: You slip outside with, well, pretty much everything wide open for view and pretend to break into stately Wayne manner. Then Bruce shows up wearing a Batman cowl and cape and, well, you can guess from there.

Julie: Thanks for the warning, though it sounds kind of kinky.

Panel 3

Same as Panel 2 except, through the window, we see the shadow of Batgirl pounding on Batman. Batman is trying to defend himself from the enraged woman. Callan and Julie do not notice this.

Callan: Oh, it can be kinky, all right. One time, as I climbed in through the window, I found myself face to face with Alfred.

Julie: The butler? What did you do?

Callan: Before I could say anything, he just spoke up in that annoying calm voice of his, saying, “Sorry to startle you, miss. Master Bruce will be with you directly.”

Julie: He didn’t ogle at you?

Callan: Didn’t even bat an eye, if you’ll pardon the expression. Not even when Bruce swooped into the room and, uh, went to it right there in front of Alfred.

Panel 4

Lex is fumbling with a small device, trying to attach it to the fiber optic cable.

Lex: Oh, I’ve got to record this! I’ll have one of my younger minions post it on YouTube!

Panel 5

Batman continues to try to dodge Batgirl’s attacks. Batgirl continues listening through the ear phones.

Julie (through the window): God, Callan, right in front of Alfred?

Callan (through the window): Truth to tell, Julie, I don’t think it was the first time for either of them.

Julie (through the window): I think I’d just about die!

Callan (through the window): I don’t know, Julie. I kind of got off on it. I mean, what else could I do?

Page 6

Panel 1

Back to Lex. He’s still trying to attach the device when the door to stall is yanked open by a big, mean looking security guard.

Guard: What the Hell do you think you’re doing, mister?

Lex: Do you have any idea who I am, officer?

Guard: Yeah. You’re a pervert and you’re coming with me!

Panel 2

Batman, on the run from Batgirl, dives back through the window he came out through earlier in the story. Batgirl is flinging the ear phones at him in disgust.

Batgirl: Next time I see you, you’d better be crawling and begging! You hear me, Bruce?

Panel 3

Bruce slips out of the door back into the hallway. In the background, Lex is standing outside the door to the Men’s room. He’s handing a large amount of cash to the security guard. Both men look somewhat the worse for wear. Bruce is sporting the beginnings of a shiner. Lex’s clothes have been obviously mussed up badly.

Panel 4

Bruce and Lex return to the charity ball.

Bruce: Rod of Steel?

Lex: Batpole?

Panel 5

As Julie and Callan return to their respective dates, Bruce and Lex look sheepishly at each other.

Bruce: This never happened, right?

Lex: Absolutely right.